J-Ro’s

“Bye Dada!” are words I hear often from my 2yr-old daughter Ashlyn. Mostly they come enthusiastically each morning when I leave for work. But sometimes I just grab my cell phone, “Bye Dada!” Or pick up my shoes off the floor, “Bye Dada!” Or put my keys away, “Bye Dada!” Her typical enthusiasm in saying goodbye is what made one particular night all the more difficult.

A friend and I had planned on getting together for coffee in order to catch up on life and talk theology (if there was such a thing as a theologian-nerds, we’d fit right in). I had been home for about an hour and went into the bathroom to say goodbye to Ashlyn who was bathing. Jen was in there with her. I walked up to the bathtub, leaned over and planted a kiss on her wet head. “Bye Ashlyn!” I walked out of the bathroom and heard an “Oooohhhhh, how sad,” from Jen. Curious, I turned around and walked back into the bathroom. There sat Ashlyn, soaking wet in the tub with the biggest pouting lip and puffy eyes I’d ever seen. My heart broke. She was not happy to see her Dada go. I told her I had to go and that I loved her, half expecting her traditional “Bye Dada”……but not this time.

Pointing to the toilet next to the bathtub, she declared, “No Dada. Sit!”

“But Ashlyn, I have….”“No Dada. Sit!” she said even more adamantly, her face changing from pouting to sternness.

I told her I loved her and slowly left, leaving my heart there in the tub with her.

That night was one of those moments in parenthood that both brought me joy and broke my heart. Joy that I’m loved by such a precious child; heartbreak that my non-presence caused so much pain in one whom I love and who loves me.